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Friday Thoughts 62 - A stiff upper lip

Updated: Feb 6, 2022

Someone reminded me yesterday that November is one of the most difficult months. It's starting to get significantly colder, the days are noticeably shorter, it's assessment and report time and we don’t quite yet have the adrenaline-fuelled rush of pre-Christmas cheer. I don’t usually ascribe to what I would often call folklore and something which we use as an excuse for feeling a little down or just less positive than normal, however maybe it's me who is wrong. It's not an excuse, it's a reason and we should acknowledge that and move on. I have had many other chance conversations this week which have made me think. Someone else, responding to my attempt at a chipper, possibly slightly forced, ‘yes, everything is fine’ reminded me that there are others very much in a worse position. This is, indeed true and I try regularly to remind myself of this, especially when I am finding things more challenging than normal. At this time, however, what would have really boosted me would have been any small acknowledgment that things aren’t easy and the ‘ok-ness’ is coming at a price. This person probably doesn't know me well enough to pick up on tiny inflections in tone to know that what I say isn’t actually what I mean; I am very much showing that quintessential 'stiff upper lip'*. It made me really reflect on how I respond when others have their ‘moments’ of needing to let out their frustrations. Do I merely deflect? Do I try, while attempting to cheer them up or distract them, actually manage to imply that I am minimising what they are feeling? Once again, I am hoping that my instinctive responses are actually good at responding appropriately. I am reasonably confident that I manage this, at least most of the time, in a professional setting and now will be increasingly mindful of how I respond to those closest to me personally.

Looking back over what feels like the longest week ever, I’ve had many other chance conversations. Someone close to me thanked me for giving them time because time is the most precious thing to give. One of the biggest personal challenges I feel I have in my professional role is availability and my ability to give that time to everyone. I have spent a lot of time in class this week and despite being truly exhausted and receiving the gift of a heavy cold, it was great. I love spending time with the children, especially those who need a little bit more from us. It’s probably a good thing… I should find a different profession if I didn’t!

It’s also been kindness week this week, a time when we try to be actively kind to others. Sometimes others showing kindness to us isn’t visible; it may be that they are taking something from us in an act of kindness and, because it’s often subtle, we don’t always notice or we have subconsciously developed a sense of entitlement. I am definitely going to actively attempt a mental appreciation when someone offers to take on an action from a meeting rather than me; saying yes to everything is something I have to stop myself doing on a regular basis! I'm a firm believer that we should show kindness on a regular basis, and not just because it's the week for it (just like we should be against bullying at all times, not just for next week), but it's always good to have these things brought to the fore.

Happy Friday everyone!

Music today - All My Little Words by the Magnetic Fields. A new one for me from the 'Alternative 90s' playlist. I'm loving the melody, but the words aren’t the most cheerful!

* The phrase 'stiff upper lip is actually American in origin and used to describe British people. I've been listening to the 'Something Rhymes with Purple' podcast with Gyles Brandreth and Susie Dent (of Countdown fame) and it turns out that solo commutes are surprisingly educational when you listen to podcasts!

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