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Friday Thoughts 84 - Respond Don't React

So, it’s Friday again already and the last Friday in May… I have said before, and I will say it again… how on earth did that happen?!


4 weeks today our term ends and it will be time to say goodbye to BISS Puxi (again), and there is a real possibility I will never set foot in the building again. Which is odd. To think that I first stepped through the doors in August 2011, said goodbye in June 2017, hello again in August 2019 and may never get to say a proper goodbye in June 2022. It’s the end of an era and time to look forward not back, but it’s good to remember the good times, especially when there are plenty of not-so-good ones at the moment.


Today isn’t quite so ‘profound’ or deep as last week, and I haven’t listened to much of my new friend Stephen Bartlett recently, but there are a few things I wanted to pick up on. All of this is my interpretation, so please listen for yourself for the full version. My understanding is that he actually has a diary and writes his random thoughts down to be expanded upon in his podcast. I think I should do the same because I often come to Friday and wonder what it is I have been pondering this week. Anyway, there are two really poignant things that stuck with me this week.


The power (and danger) of social media. In one way or another, we are all engaging in social media and it is crucial that we remember what we are engaging in. These are completely my words by the way, I am in no way attributing them to Stephen Bartlett… Basically he points out that we are comparing our own ‘warts and all’ selves and lives to photoshopped best life captured moments on various platforms and this is potentially dangerous. As a child, I remember the most we had were a few magazines like Just 17 (which I was only allowed sometimes as a treat because it wasn’t deemed ‘suitable’ for my age) and we would spend hours looking at the makeup tips and clothes. Now, young people have access to a plethora of apps and YouTube channels (we didn’t have access to the internet when I was reading J17!) and are exposed to a whole world of perfection. Don’t get me wrong, social media is powerful and is a powerful force for so much good. For a start, it has been a lifeline for many during this lockdown with sharing everything from sourdough recipes to where you can get emergency rations. We just have to handle it with care and handle it gently. I remember way back in the early days of Facebook when everyone was sharing their whole lives someone saying to me ‘the sun always shines on Facebook’; nobody really tells you what their lives are really like. It’s true. We want to project our best selves, and why not? We are selling brand ‘us’. It is almost like, by appearing happy and successful, that somehow we will be. Maybe that’s true. We can be a self-fulfilling prophecy like the curled up posters in the staffroom with the cringeworthy statements of ‘success comes in cans not can’ts’ painted on a baked bean tin. If we don’t believe in ourselves, why should anyone else?


I often talk about authenticity, and how important I believe it to be as a leader. When I embarked on my career, it was definitely not the done thing. To be real, open and honest was a weakness and meant you were showing others how they could wound you. Now, maybe I have changed, maybe the settings I work in have changed, or maybe society has changed, I don’t know, but I am much more confident to share who I am and how I am human too. I actually believe it shows strength and confidence. I am who I am and I am here to do the best job I can. I will make mistakes along the way, but we all do. What makes the difference is how we respond to those mistakes and how we rectify them if we can).

This leads me on to possibly the most profound piece of advice I have received in a long time. Stephen Bartlett is not an educator, in fact you could say that he failed at education or that the education system failed him. However, in all of the training courses and books I have read on education and leadership, I have never heard anyone put something so succinctly or so poignantly. He said that one should always ‘respond not react’. I am going to pause for a moment because hearing that made me stop and think. We all know that, as teachers, there are days and times when we have more or less patience with the little tinkers in front of us and most of the time we are able to take a deep breath (or few) before we speak. This is responding. It is not reacting. Reacting is emotional, it is instinctive and it is primal. It is also not always helpful. Whatever situation we find ourselves in, we should take that moment, we should pause, we should stop and think. We have all got that wrong and blurted out what comes to our minds first. Often this is ok and may break a silence or result in a laugh, but sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it is cutting and hurtful or simply downright rude. Sometimes it can cause unspeakable and irreparable pain.


We are all in a tough situation at the moment, and again I will say that some of us are in more of a tough situation than others. I see the comments and gripes pinging around on the WeChat groups (again – social media as a blessing and a curse) and people misreading/misunderstanding what is being said or looking for clarity in an unclear situation. People comparing their situation with that of others and finding frustrations, people threatening and people crying for help. The majority of these are people reacting. They are sent so easily and then take so many more to explain. I still remember sending a text message a long time ago (towards 20 years) and sent it to the wrong person. I think I lost a friendship over it because no matter how many Christmas cards I sent, I never got a reply. It wasn’t even anything scandalous or rude, it just didn’t read well and there was no ‘recall’ option back then. I have been more careful since, not just in who I am messaging but what I say.


Let’s teach ourselves to respond more than react. Think about that email before you send it; indeed, way back when, one of the email providers used to detect harsh language and a message would pop up saying something along the lines of ‘Do you really want to send that?’ and the advice was to write the email, leave it overnight and read again in the morning or simply write and delete. A great tip was also never to put the sender in the address bar until you are about to send – that way you reduce the risk of sending accidentally (which we have all done!) Respond, don’t react. A bit like pre-email when we used to write letters and rip them up because the act of writing was cathartic.


Last week I said there was light at the end of the tunnel, we just didn’t know where it was. That light is a little brighter this week (or maybe it’s just that the sun is shining).


Anyway, Happy Friday everyone.


Next Friday is Dragon Boat Festival. Don’t think there will be any racing this year…

Music today is back to Spotify and the Radio 1 Live Lounge covers playlist. It’s Anberlin with Creep.





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